As a break from the usual stuff, I thought I'd stop to consider one of the most important questions of wargaming: what music do people listen to in 40k? Some answers are pretty obvious - the Catachans, for instance, would appreciate Credence Clearwater Revival, preferably played over the sound of helicopter rotor blades - but others are harder to work out.
|"I see a Bad Moon Rising, I hear the orks are on their way."
Space Marines - Well, they're templar knights in space, so I think they'd go for a bit of Gregorian chanting. That said, given their place in the rules, anything Middle Of the Road would probably do. So if it turns out that Roboute Guilliman is really into Bryan Adams, now you know why.
|The things you can find online...
Imperial Guard (or Armius Spaceius or whatever they're called now) - Hard to say, as the Guard consists of such a range of legions. I reckon they'd be ordered to listen to hymns, and perhaps Russian Choral Music, circa WW2. That said, each regiment probably has its own favourites. The Vostroyans probably enjoy the balalaika, while the Praetorians might like something from the Victorian Music Hall, probably with a title like "Whoops Where's Me Lasgun, Mrs Juggins?"
Adeptus Mechanicus - More Gregorian chanting, played through really tinny speakers. Or else Kraftwerk. Or maybe just white noise.
Chaos - The forces of Chaos obviously like Metal, mainly because they are Metal; most of them look like something off a cheesy album cover. Different factions probably favour different sub-genres: I could see the Berserkers of Khorne flailing about to Thrash and Speed Metal, while the Thousand Sons probably like acts with a slightly proggy feel. And obviously the followers of Nurgle would like Doom and Sludge. But there's really only one option, really, and it's been officially sanctioned by GW: Bolt Thrower. All together now - "Wuuurrrrrrld... Eeeeeetaaaahh..."
Orks - Apologies to Games Workshop, but I don't actually think that orks would listen to Goth (Goff?) Rock: it's much too slow and gloomy. I could see them enjoying something faster and more energetic, to fire them up for violence and speed. How about Speed Metal, Punk or even Rockabilly? Some of Rob Zombie's more rednecky numbers might work. Although the more traditional orks might get by with banjo music. The Snakebite clan would probably do their whooping and stomping to Bluegrass.
Eldar - Tricky one. Either some kind of complex, new-age techno (the Orb, maybe, or Orbital) or very long prog. Long prog sounds painful. So probably Yes.
Dark Eldar - Now, these are the people who enjoy Goth. In as much as they enjoy anything. I reckon they'd probably quite like the grindier, squelchier end of Industrial, too. A bit of NIN would bring much PLEASURE (snarled, a la Pinhead) to the Dark Eldar.
Genestealer Cults - The genestealer cults, being cults, probably indulge in some kind of hymn-singing or chanting. But for fun, well, consider this: they've come from the streets, they're not big on the law, and they like fancy limousines. It's got to be Gangsta Rap. Some of the more righteous cults might go for more political stuff, maybe Rage Against the Machine(-God), but I think they'd be pretty gangsta.
|As painted by me!
Necrons - Doom Metal, inevitably, although the sound of a rusty door being opened is probably quite enjoyable to them. If not downright erotic.
Tau - The tau have a clean, shiny look, and so some kind of sleek Pop would seem like a natural choice. Of course, with all those mech suits, there's something of a Japanese influence, so the poor creatures might be stuck with J-Pop. If anything is going to send me on a bloody rampage in a robot suit, it's the shriller end of J-Pop.
|Dis'co T'au was the closest I dared search for.
Tyranids - To enjoy music, do you have to be self-aware? The Tyranids don't seem to actually know that they are Tyranids, so choosing music is probably a bit beyond them. That said, I reckon they'd enjoy the slow, ominous heartbeat of the hive ships, and the wet sounds of some unwholesome bio-weapon reading itself to discharge. Ick.
So there you go. The important issues of the day are answered. Normal service will be resumed next post.